OK, so I'm the worst blogger ever. EVER! I'm hanging my head in shame. I want to blog, I just feel so overwhelmed lately with all of the little bits and pieces of my life that won't let me sleep, finding the time to sit down and prattle on about nothing has become difficult. I really need to do this more, I owe it to myself. And I owe it to my thousands of adoring fans! You know who you are. :-)
So, I'm crying uncle. I just can't do it all. I thought I was able, and maybe I could if I were younger, but, alas, I'm old. So I'm throwing in the towel. I can't save them all. I need to learn how to say no, and I really need to learn how to put myself first. I'm not Jesus, this ain't no cross... I need to get out of this martyrdom I've knowingly created, most likely due to a lack of self esteem, and I need to...say it with me...put myself first.
I've recently received a crazy gift of strength. I tossed a simple note in the fire asking for it, and, whadya know? Strength. I should have asked for something more simple, like winning the lottery. At least I'd know what to do with that. Maybe I need to toss in another note asking for wisdom, or clarity. (Wo)man can not live by strength alone. Yea, I know, I'm misquoting the Bible, but I've already said I'm not a Christian so stop acting so surprised.
I apologize to those who are reading this. I'm very tired, and no, I'm not inebriated. Although that's not a bad idea. It makes perfect sense to me, and to those who know me and the pains that surround me, you understand too. This world is intense. I'm dealing. I'm a survivor. Now I just need to live for me, and, I'm realizing, it's OK to be selfish. Wow, you have no idea how liberating it is to say that.
So, in honor of my apparent nonsensical ramblings of the evening, I'm including a poem I wrote. Again, nonsensical to the layperson, but I understand every word.
Written October 10, 1993
Such a hard language to decipher
Is that of which I do speak.
For the noises of the drums
That do other noises cover,
Render my shouts silent
And my meanings weak.
And the true intent of those surrounding
Leaves me nothing, other
Than the needing of a
Thought so tender-
In the well is does fall deep.
Sleep tight. Don't let the little bits keep you awake.
Yeah! I agree! You got to put your self first, so you can be your best in your everyday life. I had to get over my savior complex years ago because it was bringing me down. The Source of all things takes care of everyone in the way they need it best anyway. So who am I to think I know better about how to do that? I learned to be a better listener and not get into other peoples stuff too deep. I always like the phrase, "who owns the problem"...oh yeah not me. That's their life and path and for them to learn from their choices. We are getting older and we got our own stuff ...and that is okay.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about how many posts you make here...life always comes first! Be gentle on your bad self.
Love,
One of your thousands!
"Who owns the problem?" Brilliant. I need to make this my new mantra! Thanks for your words, PQ, they mean so much to me!
ReplyDeleteBTW, You're definitely #1