My best friend died today.
Three years ago today, my very dearest friend Mary, died. It was on November first, early in the morning. She woke up and wasn't feeling "right", she had her husband call 911. An ambulance came, Mary was cognizant, alert, but still not feeling "right". Her husband, not taking it very seriously, kissed her good-bye and said he'd meet her at the hospital. On the three block ambulance ride to the hospital, Mary suffered a major heart attack. They revived her. She then had a second heart attack. They revived her again. She had a third, and then a fourth heart attack. Each time, it became increasingly more and more difficult to revive her. By the time her husband arrived at the hospital, only about 20 minutes later, Mary was gone. Her three children were still at home, asleep in their beds. Mary didn't wake them up before the ambulance came, she didn't want them to worry.
Mary had spent the previous evening with her daughter, Clara, the youngest of her three kids. Clara was turning ten on November second that year, and Mary was trying to spend as much time with her as she could before Clara decided that mom's aren't cool. So, unaware, Mary and Clara went out trick-or-treating one last time, the evening before Mary died.
The week before Mary died, I was on travel for work to Seattle, Washington. Mary had just been to Seattle a few months before, she told me all the good places to see. I spent my days in a conference and my evenings sight-seeing. I loved Seattle, she knew I would, and I couldn't wait to talk to her about it! I arrived home on a Thursday night and I worked from home that Friday, which was Halloween. All day that Friday I kept thing that I needed to call Mary and talk to her, but then I'd tell myself that she was busy and we'd just talk on Monday. She died the next morning.
The morning that Mary died, I woke up and I still had the feeling that I should call and talk to her. Again, I dismissed it, I knew she was busy preparing for her daughter's tenth birthday party. Mary was an early riser, so I knew she was awake, but I didn't want to bother her. I went about my usual morning routine, but I kept thinking about Mary for some reason. I was thinking mundane things, I didn't have a sense of dread. I even made a mental note to ask her on Monday about the house cleaning service she used. It was just a normal Saturday, it was a little chilly out, but the trees were beautifully orange and brown, Mary's favorite colors, and it was a lovely, sunny day. I thought to myself, "What a beautiful morning!" John and I had made plans to meet up with a friend in the morning, and then we had usual Saturday things to do. Running errands, shopping... it was just a typical day.
At 10:30, I got the call that Mary was dead. I didn't believe it, I thought it was a bad joke. I didn't understand why our friend would call me and tell me that, I didn't think it was funny at all. It took hours for it to really hit me. Mary was gone. She was gone. Gone. Wow.
At work, her cube only sat empty for a a little over a week. She had a coveted window cube, so it didn't take long before her supervisor packed up her belongings and moved them aside, and one of our co-workers moved into her cube. Her sister came in one Saturday and took the boxes. It all happened so quickly, I wasn't ready for it.
Mary's funeral was just weird. She was agnostic, bordering on atheist. Mary was also a planner, an organizer. Her funeral was some bizarre religious service, very fire and brimstone, and the reception that followed was the most disorganized I've ever been to. It was obvious that Mary hadn't planned it, and if she had been there, she would have taken control. But she wasn't. And it showed.
Our Director was invited to speak at her funeral and he asked me for some words to say. I spent hours agonizing over the usual, "Mary was a good person" and "Mary loved her family". They were true, but they just didn't do it. It finally came to me, what I should say, and this is what our Director said about Mary at her funeral, on my behalf:
"I've been wracking my brain trying to think of one or two special memories I have of Mary, and I realized that every memory I have of Mary is special. In 8 years of friendship, Mary gave me a lifetime of memories that I will cherish.
Mary taught me how to be a good person, she lead by example. From her, I've learned integrity, compassion, flexibility and forgiveness. She encouraged me to live my life, have a great time doing it, and always come home with a lifetime of experiences.
Mary was my colleague and my big sister. She was my voice of reason and my partner in crime. Mary was my mentor, my confidante, and, most importantly, Mary was my friend. I'm honored to have known her, and I'm better for having known her.
To know Mary for five minutes was to know her for a lifetime."
Good bye, my friend. You've been gone for three years now but I'll never forget you and I'll never stop loving you. You were, and always will be, my friend.
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