Today is Imbolc. In Celtic tradition, it's the mid-point between the winter solstice and the spring equinox. Today is a very important day. It's the time to clean out the old mental cobwebs and plan for the future. Spring is the rebirth of the seasons, the awakening of the Earth, it's a time to celebrate and be grateful. Blessed be!
Last week I had an ultrasound done on my thyroid. I have an autoimmune disease that's been wreaking havoc on my endocrine system. Last month, during a routine check-up, my doctor found lumps. Not good. I was nervous. I'm not a good patient, I hate needles, I hate doctors. With my luck this would not turn out well, and I had pretty much convinced myself that I was doomed.
So, last Monday, I was driving myself to my appointment. I play a little game with myself....whenever there is anything that may possibly have a bad outcome, I listen for a Beatles song. If I, by chance, hear one, I know everything's going to be OK. Playing one on my iPod doesn't count, it has to be random. I know... weird game. So far, every time I've been in a stressful situation and I've "needed a sign", I've asked for a Beatles song. If I hear one, I know everything will be fine. So driving to my appointment last week, I asked for a song. Literally ten seconds later, a listener called in to the radio station and requested to hear "Penny Lane". I teared up. Was this my sign? What if I'm deluding myself? I listened and I sang along, but I wasn't yet convinced.
Next, I was sitting in the doctor's office, waiting. They were running late, as usual. An old woman in her 70's struck up a conversation, I think she just needed someone to talk to. She prattled on, and I listened. She told me about her life, her alcoholic, diabetic husband who passed away. She told me about her three adult children, all stricken with diabetes at young ages. Her oldest daughter, Wendy, was seeing the doctor today, she's in bad shape. She's 50, she has a heart condition, a pace maker, she's on oxygen, she has cataracts, and today the doctors were checking to see if a new medication was helping the poor circulation in her legs. If not, she was facing amputation. The old woman said Wendy is the light of her life, being around her makes her smile. I sat there listening to the old woman talk about her family, they have real problems. Not self-induced issues, REAL problems. Wendy came into the waiting room, dragging an oxygen tank behind her. She had a big smile on her face, she was just glad to be here. The old woman asked how it went, Wendy replied. "It's in God's hands". They got up to leave and the old woman came over and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I hugged and kissed her back. After they left, I sat there by myself in the waiting room, thinking about Wendy. I really hope I run into them again, I'd like to know how she's doing.
The ultrasound technician came into the waiting room to get me, and I followed her back. A deep feeling of impending doom settled into my thoughts. As she was performing the ultrasound, the second one I've had in three years, I just kept thinking that it must be bad, this is taking way too long. Much longer than the last time. This is not going to be good news. She finished, wiped the goo from my neck, and said, very calmly, "The doctor will call you in a week". The Doctor will call me?? She never calls me. Yup. Not good.
I left the doctor's office in a funk. I even forgot to pay the bill. Oops! I made a wrong turn, drove for awhile on on "auto-pilot", and ended up at one of my favorite stores. So, I may as well shop! I didn't go in for anything in particular, I just looked around and ended up buying a few things that just stood out to me. As I was checking out, I had a great conversation with the woman who works there about spirituality, having faith. She brought up the topic, I mostly listened. It was cool though, I like hearing people's opinions on their beliefs. As I've said many times, whatever gets you though the night. Thanks again for those words, John Lennon!
So, feeling a little better, I started my journey home. I was driving on a two lane road that leads to the highway, there are woods along the one side of the road. As I'm motoring along, a Goshawk flies out of the woods, headed straight for me. It makes a right turn and flies right along next to me, at window level. I'm looking over at it, and I swear it was staring in the window at me! I drove, it flew, and we looked at each other. Then, it sped up, banked up and to it's right, and went back into the woods. I was numb, I just couldn't believe what I had seen. Was this my sign? Was the old woman my sign? Was talking to the store clerk my sign? What about hearing Penny Lane?? Do any of these have any meaning, or am I just wishfully thinking?? I was very confused, and still not trusting that any of this had meaning. It could have been a crazy series of coincidences. Life is like that.
Flash forward to last night. I get home and there's a message on the machine, the one I've been waiting for. It's a nurse, not the Doctor. Hmm, that's weird. The nurse says the Doctor told her to call me. I'm waiting for THOSE WORDS... "you need to call the doctor's office right away". Instead, what she said floored me. Everything is fine. I replayed the message to make sure I heard right. Nothing abnormal, the nodules are stable, and everything is fine. They'll be sending me an appointment reminder card in the mail, no need to see her again for a year. Everything is fine. I burst into tears. That's what I do, I'm a crier.
So today is Imbolc. A day to move forward, to focus on the future, and to clean out the cobwebs. My cobwebs? I need to trust. I need to believe what I see, all of those little signs that have so much meaning. I need to....I WILL... pay attention. I will have faith in this Universe. These little signs are surrounding me, surrounding us. I asked for a sign, the Beatles song, and I got it. I didn't trust, so the Universe gave me another sign, then another, then another.... It takes me a while sometimes, but I get it now.
Merry Imbolc. Thank you for today. Everything is fine.
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